Tag Archives: confidence


Binge eating fools us into thinking that it’s the food that is making us feel better, when it’s not the food that is creating the feeling, but our thinking, and only our thinking, as it’s a closed system.

All that food that we innocently thought gave us a feeling of relief from the daily drudgery that we experience as our lives, has nothing to do with how we feel, and did nothing more than pile on the weight, and cause damage to our bodies.

When we see this deeply, we won’t be fooled anymore. If the good feeling that you are looking for is created by your thinking, and only your thinking, why would you keep on binge eating?

This is the type of insight that my clients get when they come to see me for a chat, as their level of understanding rises, and they learn about a fact of life that we have not been taught about in schools, or anywhere else, because no one really knew, except a few, up to this.

And it’s not just the food, it’s the alcohol, or the gambling, or the cigarettes, or any other so called “addictions” that we do, that for a brief period of time we innocently think makes us feel better.

To see deeply that we live in our own private world of thought, our own virtual reality game, which we are in complete control of, frees us from the mistaken belief that the outside world has anything to do with our feelings and emotions.

To see that there is no need to “fix” anything on the outside in order to feel good, and enjoy peace of mind and contentment, is profoundly liberating, and updates our belief operating system, putting us back in control of our lives.

To understand that what we experience as reality, is only the current movie that’s playing in our minds – which we have created from the special effects department, which is available, around the clock to us all.

When you get a glimpse of what’s really happening, it’s game over, as the rock hard beliefs of the past, firstly get shaken, and then crumble out of sight, making way for the foundations and continued learning of a whole new way of looking at things.

For anyone interested in finding out more about all of this, please get in touch, and we can skype or meet in person. To anyone close to Dublin, I’m giving an evening talk in Mount Merrion Community Center, on November 7th 2016. Please see details on facebook or website, events page.

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Anyone out there suffering from anxiety, please consider reading this story, about a young woman who came to see me in my clinic.

She is in her early thirties, just married, and as she says herself, “I have everything that I need, money, lovely husband, dog etc, but I still suffer from anxiety and panic attacks”.

She says “I have always had anxiety, I was a very shy child, and all I could do was cope, and manage my anxiety”.

She also said that, “I could not go to work, I thought I was losing my mind” and saying to myself, “I have to do this, or, I have to see this person”.

To her this is the norm, life is just difficult and the best anyone can do is just cope as best as you can, and this is what she does, as best as she can.

So her thinking is all over the place, and her body is out of balance, because it’s been marinating in toxic chemicals like adrenalin, which is causing the feeling of anxiety and panic, and it’s this feeling that causes her to behave as a result.

She unconsciously and innocently believes, that the feeling of anxiety, that leads to a panic attack is caused by events, circumstances and other people that surround her in her life, and she goes about trying to fix them all.

She knows that there is a feeling of peace and serenity that she has experienced in the past, and she would like to experience it more.

And then, when she learnt and deeply understood, that the only thing that was causing her feelings and emotions was her thinking, and nothing else, everything changed in a heartbeat.

Because now, she sees that she has complete control over how she feels, as it is just her illusionary thinking that is doing it, created by herself, and since she has free will over what thinking and movies she wants to watch, it’s game over.

She now says “I learnt that nothing is broken, and that there was nothing that I needed to do”.

She saw all the thought patterns that she used to use that started in anxiety, and developed into a full blown panic attack, as she wrecked her head trying to figure it all out.

When she saw how all of this worked, and how easy it was, she said she “experienced a huge feeling of relief, and knew that she could go out tonight if she wanted”.

And so after only a couple of sessions her life has been transformed in a way that she never thought possible.

So anyone out there who is suffering please give me a call and come to see me for a few sessions, or (skype calls) and learn about how we all work as human beings, and experience our individual lives.

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Anyone out there suffering from so called “addictions”, might be curious to know how on earth, someone who has been “addicted” to gambling for 4 years, all of a sudden stop, as a result of seeing through the illusion of the label.

A 23 year old guy came to see me for a “gambling addiction”, he said that “I think that I am always going to win, despite all my losses”. “I am lying to people about where I am going, “I am lying to people about what I am spending my money on”.

Now, this is a smart guy who has just been promoted to manager in his retail technology job, he understands that what he is doing, gambling all his money away, is stupid, but his belief on one crucial point is mistaken.

He thought that the action of gambling was making him feel good, and so when he passed by the “gambling stores” he fell for the special offers, and went inside, and enjoyed the feeling, thinking that it was the action of gambling that was causing him to feel so good.

Except, it was not the action of gambling that was making him feel good – it was his thinking, full stop!

Now, 1 week later, when he came to see me for the second time he is a totally different guy with a whole new perspective on life.

He now understands completely that he can get the good feeling, anytime, by simply allowing his thinking to keep moving. He spent all week passing by the gambling stores and saw how silly he used to be, fooled by an innocent misunderstanding about what was making him feel good.

He said, “What’s the point of gambling now when it has nothing to do with how I feel?”

He said also that, “I feel relief with this understanding, as I see so clearly now, that I am not broken, and never was”.

He sees how this changes everything about how we view anxiety, panic, fear and lack of confidence, and he put his new understanding to good use when dealing with an elderly customer who was annoyed in the store.

He saw that it was because this customer did not understand technology and it was their thinking about this, that had them confused and angry. So he explained in a very calm way that it was quite easy, and they would be up and running in no time. The customer relaxed and the deal was done.

I see this type of change all the time in my practice, and it is so invigorating to be able to teach and point people who are suffering, down a different path to a nicer feeling, that they may never have known existed.

To know that we are all ok, and we will always be ok, no matter what, makes life lighter, and not so serious. To let our thoughts move and flow, blends into and aligns with, an already there perfect system that looks after us always.

The “Missing Link” as Sydney Banks talks about is the understanding about the true nature of thought, and how we, as formless intelligent energy, are all living in the human feeling of our thinking”, all the time.

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A client of mine came to see me not so long ago, she was binge eating on food, and putting on a lot of weight.

It was clear from our conversation that she was living with a lot of anxiety, fear and pain in her life, and she said that, “the only time that I feel good in any way, is when I am eating all this food”.

She is doing all of this eating because she thinks that it’s the food that is giving her some sort of relief from the pain  and suffering that she is experiencing.

This is the typical, innocent story that I hear all the time from my clients, whether it’s the food, or the alcohol, or the cigarettes, or the gambling, it’s their way of getting a small bit of relief from the daily drudgery that becomes their life.

Except it’s not the food or the booze or the fags that’s making them feel better, and this is where the innocence comes in, what has caused them to feel better, is quite simply, that their thinking has changed, because the only thing that creates feelings is our thinking, 100%, as a fact of life.

Can it be this simple? Are we really doing all of this stuff because we misunderstand where our feelings and emotions are coming from? Yes and yes.

This misunderstanding that we have all grown up with has caused us all a lot of problems, to say the least, because the truth about what really causes our emotions and feelings, goes across the board, and is true for all areas of our lives.

In our innocence we contaminate an already there, beautiful and peaceful feeling, by believing that it’s our circumstances that cause us to feel anxiety or fear, or a family member that’s treating us a certain way causing us pain, or finances, bully at work, the list goes on and on.

This singular mis-understanding , it could be said, is the cause of all conflict in the world, and we are only starting to wake up to this fact, as this information spreads, and changes people’s lives in un-thought-of ways.

We really are only one thought away from feeling better in any moment, and that’s a fact, whether we know it or not.

If we know it and understand it deeply, the game changes overnight, the trick that fooled us all, time after time, just does not have the same effect on us anymore.

This change, which comes with the understanding, is the “contamination” falling away, and what’s left is the peaceful, contented feeling that is hard wired within all of us, as the sun shines through when the haze disintegrates.

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Our bodies are amazing, made up of 50 trillion cells, each cell like a miniature human being, with all the functions of a human being.

We really are a colony of intelligent cells, all working together in perfect harmony, the perfect model for how a society can live in peace and co-operation.

The body works perfectly, and every cell knows exactly what to do.

Each cell is affected, moment to moment, by the environment, which is the blood, and the blood is affected, moment by moment, by the chemicals within it, which are created, by the wonderful, creative, movie making capability, which is our thinking.

Our thoughts, which we make up, are marinating our bodies in chemicals, which create our feelings and emotions.

Our emotions and feelings are giving us perfect, moment to moment feedback, about the quality of the movie that we are making up, like a fuel gauge in a car tells us about the level of petrol in the tank.

So, we are having a direct effect on our cells, the very fabric of our bodies, by the thoughts that we entertain in our minds.

Like a balance sheet there really are only two moods that we as human beings fluctuate to and from, negative feelings caused by negative thinking, or positive feelings caused by positive thinking.

The free will, which we all have, allows us to choose our thoughts, and is the rudder that we have for our ship that enables us to navigate our journey with more elegance, and spend more time feeling well, confident and secure.

There is a natural intelligent system, before thought, that is running the system perfectly, and is hindered and contaminated by any negative thinking that we allow ourselves to ruminate on.

When we let our thinking soften, not take it so seriously (after all we make it all up), and let the system run itself, it does, and we can go along for the ride.

Thinking needs to be done, but not all the time, in fact the more that we allow ourselves to go with the flow, and fall back into the ocean of oneness that is the real us, the more that we have a nicer life.

A clear mind uncontaminated by thinking is our default, natural place to be, and the very essence and source of who and what we all are.

This is where our true home is, where we feel confident and secure, and aligned with which we are all a part of, universal mind, fueling and running the whole show.

This is where peace of mind and contentment hang out, on the inside, our true nature, an oasis of peace and security that never goes away, and can’t be broken.

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Recently I finished up 4 sessions over a couple of months with a client, a man in his forties who lived with the notion of suicide on a daily basis.

He came to see me as a result of a story about a client of mine that I had written about in Ireland’s “A lust for life” mental health website, where something about the truth about the 3 principles, and the possibility of recovery, and the whole new wonderful life that my client was now experiencing, clicked with him.

This is a guy who was a chronic alcoholic up to a number of years ago, who suffered from severe depression and bipolar disorder, which had got much worse as a result of giving up the drink, which had been masking the terrible pain he was feeling, and now was back with a vengeance.

He had to be admitted to St Patrick’s Hospital for 4 months as a result of the madness that was going inside his head, and ended up retiring early as a result of bullying in his job.

This is what he said to me, “I didn’t think much of myself, but I was all I could think about”. He said he had a “Hole in his Soul” and “something missing from birth”.

Someone had said to him as a child that “there’s a want in you” that he took as criticism, and a premonition of terrible things to come.

He had read all the self help books, and has been going to AA on a regular basis, where the sense of community was something that he could hold onto.

Now he has really taken to the teachings of the 3 principles, and this new understanding for him has changed his whole life around.

He sees that yes, he does have a choice over the thoughts that he wishes to entertain in his head, and as a result is feeling so much better, because his wellness is now coming to the surface.

When the tension of thinking about something horrible loosens itself, what turns up in its place is the ever growing feeling of peace, which reveals the true essence of who we really are.

Once the foundations of an untrue belief begin to crack, it’s only a matter of time before it disintegrates completely.

He came over to London recently to the 3 principles conference and was so pleased to see such a genuine truth, and understanding being shared by 750 people, from all walks of life and many countries, that he felt the real sense of community that is only found deep in the soul.

Now he said to me “the hole in the soul, is very small” and he has a “foundation” with which to build his new life now.

He is looking forward to all the possibilities and the choices that he has at his doorstep, from awakening his passion for music and writing, to really connecting with his wife and son on a level that he never thought possible, as little as a few months ago.

His 20 yr old son cannot get over the difference in his father, his new lightness, and they are connecting now on a completely different level, going to his sports events and being the father that was missing for so long.

His wife, who so wonderfully stood by him all these years, and never gave up, when he was a nightmare to live with, has now got the man she loves back in her life again. How cool is that?

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Sometimes it looks as if wellness has left us, as sickness and physical challenges come into our lives.

It can be difficult to see that regardless of the circumstances that we may face, there is still a place of peace inside of us, that we all have access to, and is our true nature.

I had a client recently who was suffering from a lot of stress as a result of worrying about a family member who was facing a serious operation and may not survive.

The incredible thing is that this person who was facing the operation was in an amazing state of peace of mind, blood pressure was low, already planning in her own mind, all the things that she was going to do, when she got better.

What a wonderful example of the innate resilience that is within us all, the innate wisdom to find that place where we can go, that place of home, where we can be at peace, regardless of the circumstances.

And to know also, that all of us are connected to each other, at energy level, and passing into the next world is like casting off a set of clothes, as the human form dissolves back into the energy that is our true nature, before this human journey.

This life that we all get to experience is like a banquet of unlimited magnitude, and we have the choice to partake in it, as little or as much, as we so desire.

When we see what this life is like, from our true nature, it looks like a banquet, with all sorts of possibilities, no matter what.

The trick is not to be fooled by the illusion of life, it’s the illusion that makes it a fun game or not.

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There is the story about the elephant tied to a post by a strong chain that, when a small piece of string was used to replace the chain, he still stayed tied up, even though now, he is but one step from breaking free.

I had a client recently who binged on food and put on a lot of weight.Every time she reached for the food she felt a bit better, so naturally she learnt that eating food makes her feel better.

Except, that’s not how the system works, the food has nothing to do with how she feels, her feelings are caused by one thing only, and that’s her thinking.

So, she does not need the food to feel good, she can do it much easier by just changing her thinking, and the big bonus is that she stops piling on the pounds.

The alcoholic drinks to numb the pain, and when he does, the pain goes away, and so this becomes his way of getting rid of the pain, except, It’s not the alcohol that’s getting rid of the pain, it’s simply because his thoughts have changed.

0r, suffering from fear and insecurity, or being bullied and harassed by people and external forces, it’s very easy to get sucked into what we have all grown up with, a belief right at the source of everything, that’s now been shown to be untrue, and the sole reason why contentment and peace of mind is not the norm.

All emotions whether they be negative or positive, are caused by our thinking alone, and have nothing to do with how other people treat us, or situations and events that we find ourselves surrounded by.

Everyone knows that we all prefer pleasure rather than pain, and every decision we make takes this into account. We pursue all sorts of goals like acquiring assets, power, recognition etc, to this end.

The answer to all we desire is hidden in the last place that we would look, and that’s inside all of us, there to be used at a moment’s notice. What a wonderful trick to play.

See how the trick is done and your life changes dramatically, in alignment with everything else that works perfectly too.

As energy you get a glimpse of how the game is played, as a human, and how innocently everybody turns up to play. This softens our approach to life as the silliness of any kind of conflict becomes so obvious.

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The science of Epigenetics is showing us that, as we think, we are changing our genetic make-up, as it’s a fluid system in constant motion.

So in effect, not only are we changing our own internal make-up, we are also having an effect on our future children by what we are thinking about right now, as it seems that every experience that we have leaves a “marker” in our genes, as they respond constantly to all our thoughts.

Thought is at the very source of everything for us, as human beings, it what starts the ball rolling, it’s the very essence of the illusion of life.

In effect we are not a victim of our genes, and hereditary issues, as these markers only make us “predisposed” to everything that went before us, but in any moment it’s our thinking, lifestyle and diet, that is constantly changing our inner chemistry and affecting our health, for good or for bad.

This is really good news, as we are no longer victims of anything, but creators of anything we want.

This is the power of thought, and since we make up all our thinking, then, being aware of this can help us greatly in having more peace of mind.

There is the story about the man who had no memory, and still kept a diary. In it every day were simple words like “feeling great, having a wonderful time”.

Our default position is peace and happiness, wisdom and resoursefullness.

We are literally built for success, and the only thing that can take us away from that place is our thinking. With no memory of the past, what’s left is a peaceful feeling, that is always there, and never goes away.

So if we feel angry, or fearful, or worried or anxious, that’s just a sign that we have just gone off track, as we allowed ourselves to believe that the thoughts we are having, in that moment, are reality, when the reality is that we just made them all up.

The feelings and emotions that we are experiencing are always alerting us to the quality of our thoughts. This is the feedback system that helps us move back in the direction of the only reality, which is peace, love and contentment.

We do this so innocently, all the time, not realising how the system works, and not using it to our full advantage, causing ourselves all sorts of problems when we behave as a result of how we feel.

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